If reality is one of your biggest obstacles, you are probably on the right track.
현실이 당신의 가장 큰 장애물중 하나라면 올바로 가고있는 거에요.
꿈
2012. 3. 24.
On humility
It's funny. "Be humble" is one of the most hackneyed advices of wisdom and yet men's ignorance on its meaning persists unabated. Many seem to believe that humility entails "less than" type of self-abasement. To be fair, if people want to feel like saints by attempting to practice humility, let them. But, to stand by this post's purpose, I do wish to shed light on what it means to be truly humble.
Humility is not analogous to self-loathe. The Cambridge theologian Richard Foster puts it well, defining humility as a skill to "live as close to the truth as possible: the truth about ourselves, the truth about others, the truth about the world in which we live." Makes much more sense, does it not? Simply lowering oneself in the name of humility is a futile pretense. Instead, there should be a search for truth, involving objective evaluation of others as well as self. One must be on a constant journey to find and judge reality as it is.
Ok, then why do we need to be reminded of humility? This is so because pride often gets in the way & blow reality out of proportion, leaving us with an inaccurate picture of reality. And then we end up believing that we are orchestrating our own progress, leaving out God in the equation.
Humility let's us see where & how God is moving in our lives.
2012. 3. 19.
Blog Manual
Blog Manual
생각해보면 살면서 이뤄놓은게 많이 없다. 노벨 문학상 후보에 오른적도 없고 암의 치유를 발견하지도 못했다. 그럭저럭 최상위권 대입시험 점수를 얻었지만 명문대 진학에는 실패했고, 그 흔한 악기하나 다루지 못하며, 모아놓은 돈뭉치 따위도 없다. 하지만 난 근 몇년간 누가 시키지도 않은 짓을 꾸준히 해왔고 이것은 내 자신에게 자랑스러울만한 결과물이다. 블로그.
참, 블로그에 게시된 글이 벌써 250개가 넘었지만 한번도 이 블로그에 대해 설명하지 않았다. 원래는 개인적인 놀이터였던 이 곳은 더이상 나만의 공간이 아니다. 그러므로 설명. 설명은 영어로.
내 블로그에 글이 벌써 500개
Publish 된것 ~250개
Publish 안된것 ~250개
In the un-published pile, there are some of the most radical, morally fucked up posts that would be construed invariably as, to say the least, disturbing. The posts available for read on the blog all have passed through the filter. I don't know, the conservative in me says censorship is the sine qua non of avoiding unwanted friction & controversy.
Also, for your information, the posts are not necessarily truthful or reflective of my personal viewpoints. Many are fictional, and many posts composed in first-person POV are not necessarily consistent with my own beliefs. But don't get me wrong; by no means I try to be a phony -- I just try to make this place a farrago of diverse contents, rich of colorful perspectives. I want these to incite your often "hidden" or latent sentiments that cannot be found in your everyday textbooks, media, TV shows, or whatever fits the occasion. And by delivering the sentiments, I purport to encourage abundant thinking at the same time. The cardinal theme of this blog is one of my all time favorite oxymorons: "thoughtful sentiment." I hope my posts intellectually stimulate you as their emotional output concurrently rains on your soul (probably more of the latter given my emotional incline).
생각해보면 살면서 이뤄놓은게 많이 없다. 노벨 문학상 후보에 오른적도 없고 암의 치유를 발견하지도 못했다. 그럭저럭 최상위권 대입시험 점수를 얻었지만 명문대 진학에는 실패했고, 그 흔한 악기하나 다루지 못하며, 모아놓은 돈뭉치 따위도 없다. 하지만 난 근 몇년간 누가 시키지도 않은 짓을 꾸준히 해왔고 이것은 내 자신에게 자랑스러울만한 결과물이다. 블로그.
참, 블로그에 게시된 글이 벌써 250개가 넘었지만 한번도 이 블로그에 대해 설명하지 않았다. 원래는 개인적인 놀이터였던 이 곳은 더이상 나만의 공간이 아니다. 그러므로 설명. 설명은 영어로.
내 블로그에 글이 벌써 500개
Publish 된것 ~250개
Publish 안된것 ~250개
In the un-published pile, there are some of the most radical, morally fucked up posts that would be construed invariably as, to say the least, disturbing. The posts available for read on the blog all have passed through the filter. I don't know, the conservative in me says censorship is the sine qua non of avoiding unwanted friction & controversy.
Also, for your information, the posts are not necessarily truthful or reflective of my personal viewpoints. Many are fictional, and many posts composed in first-person POV are not necessarily consistent with my own beliefs. But don't get me wrong; by no means I try to be a phony -- I just try to make this place a farrago of diverse contents, rich of colorful perspectives. I want these to incite your often "hidden" or latent sentiments that cannot be found in your everyday textbooks, media, TV shows, or whatever fits the occasion. And by delivering the sentiments, I purport to encourage abundant thinking at the same time. The cardinal theme of this blog is one of my all time favorite oxymorons: "thoughtful sentiment." I hope my posts intellectually stimulate you as their emotional output concurrently rains on your soul (probably more of the latter given my emotional incline).
And as you can tell, my traditional posts are written in Korean. Now I'm trying to balance between Korean and English in attempt to broaden my English lexicon as well as work on the overall control of this language. I used to be satisfied with being "good" for a fob at executing English, but as I reconsidered my values and revisited my purpose for greatness, I realized I aspire to be one of the best English users of fob origin. And, for an English major, I suck at writing owing to the wasted, regretful days of the past, which had been an adversely synergistic combination of reading little for pleasure & Sparknoting profusely for the required reads. Anyway, which ever way I put it, it's about time.
And for clarification, the title CLXXX translates to 180 in Roman metric system. 180 is the highest score anyone can achieve on the LSAT and used widely across law school forums as an adjective describing something of high quality. Secondly, if the overtly mysterious XXX is stripped of its secrecy, the letters ASS may unveil (vulgar, I know), completing the arrangement of the word of prestige: Class.
And for clarification, the title CLXXX translates to 180 in Roman metric system. 180 is the highest score anyone can achieve on the LSAT and used widely across law school forums as an adjective describing something of high quality. Secondly, if the overtly mysterious XXX is stripped of its secrecy, the letters ASS may unveil (vulgar, I know), completing the arrangement of the word of prestige: Class.
Also be noted -- if you are reading this, you are probably one of the few people I care about in my life, or not. Or maybe you just care about me with the care unreciprocated (in that case, accept my apologies). Or maybe not. I don't know, maybe you are simply bored as fuck, or maybe you just stumbled upon this place while searching the lyrics to some song. Anyway, I think you are pretty fucking special for being on my mind-boggling blog of brilliance. I give you thanks.
My blog awaits you & me, always.
2012. 3. 15.
Williams College Essay
Williams College
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you.
=========================================
In retrospect, a lackluster, schmaltzy prose. But shit, props to my high school senior self. I cant put into words how much respect I have for the soul that drove the composition of the prose. This part of me fucking died. Now I am just a soulless dolt, chasing some transient mirage of prestige that I confuse with happiness. Actually, this is wrong. I am just in a strenuous effort to prove my worth, and prestige simply seems serviceable in such regard. And hence the entering of the adjective "prestigious" in my everyday phrasing. But why is it that my self-respect constantly slips away? Fuck... I just don't know anymore...
P.S. Shout out to Williams for tossing this soulful piece of shit into the recycle bin.
Imagine looking through a window at any environment that is particularly significant to you. Reflect on the scene, paying close attention to the relation between what you are seeing and why it is meaningful to you.
Beyond the thin
layer of glass, I take a glance at the people. Students and teachers alike let
out ever deep sighs. I can almost visualize the thick clouds of breaths,
sinking deeper and deeper into the ground like a lost treasure chest drowning
into the sea, or perhaps like a falling feather spiraling downwards.
My grandmother
used to tell me that by observing people’s breaths, you can tell the kind of
lives they are currently living. The words of wisdom, once so abstract, have solidified.
I see people pumping out breathless breaths, the signs of scar and struggle.
My friend Sarah,
whose parents are about to divorce, often talks to me about how she wishes she
had a normal loving family. As she IMs me to complain about the frequent fights
between her parents, I could feel her sighs replacing her fingers to press down
the keys on the keyboard. Mr. Johnson, my newspaper advisor, recently stopped
talking about his wife Martha, whom he usually loves to talk about, and told us
not to get on his nerves because he is undergoing “personal problems.”
And yes, a single
layer separates me from these people. The transparent window of society allows
me to perceive what is out there, but is limiting just enough to prevent me
from touching or helping them. This is the real world. Communication and
understanding are difficult, unfamiliar, and perhaps even extravagant tasks in
today’s world. And this is why I choose to be an idealist – I wish to do more
than looking outside the window. Call it a daydream, but I dream to cast away
people’s sinking breaths. Whether as a rapper sympathizing with the stressed-out
students through invigorating rhymes, or maybe as a psychologist genuinely
burning within to help the wounded, I wish to challenge the status quo, the
dead cold window of society. Sorry, but I may have to invalidate the prompt – I
must shatter this window.
=========================================
In retrospect, a lackluster, schmaltzy prose. But shit, props to my high school senior self. I cant put into words how much respect I have for the soul that drove the composition of the prose. This part of me fucking died. Now I am just a soulless dolt, chasing some transient mirage of prestige that I confuse with happiness. Actually, this is wrong. I am just in a strenuous effort to prove my worth, and prestige simply seems serviceable in such regard. And hence the entering of the adjective "prestigious" in my everyday phrasing. But why is it that my self-respect constantly slips away? Fuck... I just don't know anymore...
P.S. Shout out to Williams for tossing this soulful piece of shit into the recycle bin.
2012. 3. 13.
이적 - 그런걸까
만나지 못하면 사랑은 변하는 걸까
그런 걸까 그런 걸까
부치지 못하는 편지는 무의미한 걸까
그런 걸까 왜 그런 걸까
구름이 천천히 하늘을 가로지를 때
처마 끝에 맺힌 물방울 떨어질 때
난 그냥 이대로 언제나 그랬던 것처럼
늘 그렇게 널 생각하는데
어린 날 사랑은 철없는 추억인 걸까
그런 걸까 그런 걸까
끝내 어른스레 서로를 보내야 할까
그런 걸까 왜 그런 걸까
구름이 천천히 하늘을 가로지를 때
처마 끝에 맺힌 물방울 떨어질 때
난 그냥 이대로 언제나 그랬던 것처럼
늘 그렇게 널 생각하는데
구름이 천천히 하늘을 가로지를 때
처마 끝에 맺힌 물방울 떨어질 때
난 그냥 이대로 언제나 그랬던 것처럼
늘 그렇게 널 생각하는데
늘 그렇게 널 생각하는데
늘 이렇게 널 생각하는데
2012. 3. 11.
Career
Career choices or lack thereof stress me. The following are some visible paths, not in any particular order.
1. Law School. Some of the credited SAT => LSAT conversion formulae predict me ~174, which would place me @ the staggering top tier YHS. But I am 99% sure my indolence will get in the way of conquering that 3.9+ GPA. One pro = law schools accept students solely on numerical merits (with Y being the only exception plus maybe S). With all factored in, if I were to pursue law, I would end up at the CCN clump or maybe even MVP. Anyhow, T14 is probably a no problem & big law is most likely in reach, but various sources confirm that big law, or law in general, is a cesspool of mind-numbing bullshits. Plus, being in debt sucks cock, and that $160K a year doesn't seem to quite outweigh the cons. + it is rare to last more than five years at a given firm... Overall, law = miserable. fuck...
2. PHD => Profess like a boss. Limited slots of jobs = depressing. Being pressured to frequently publish articles and papers = miserable. BA => MA => PHD takes too long. To be fair, though, being tenured @ prestigious university is prestigious x 999. Lifestyle after being tenured = bomb. Being a professor is bomb, but the process to it is discouraging.
3. Rap. My lyricism is stellar, and I respect my "sense" and being alpha in contrast to all the amateur-like amateur beta fucks that sadly will never make it. But betas are overpopulated & dominant anywhere, so being alpha shouldn't serve as a reason for me to rhyme professionally. Con: lack of prestige among the public... & senescence comes by relatively fast; my lack of producing skills will leave me with no adequate source of income when wrinkled... T.T
4. Vet School. Again, the process. It makes good money & is prestigious, but the thought of studying science is repulsive. I like dogs & verbally communicating with patients seem to be no big deal, but am I down to spend 4-6 years studying veterinary? fuck...
conclusion:
fuck all. my future is in the clouds, but i cant imagine myself doing some prole or not-so-great shit in the future either.... my intuition foresees greatness, but who knows... but on the bright side, life is fun & funny in that it doesnt follow a pattern. maybe this is a good thing about not having a concrete dream? wow that was deep lulzy lulzy lulzy x 999
1. Law School. Some of the credited SAT => LSAT conversion formulae predict me ~174, which would place me @ the staggering top tier YHS. But I am 99% sure my indolence will get in the way of conquering that 3.9+ GPA. One pro = law schools accept students solely on numerical merits (with Y being the only exception plus maybe S). With all factored in, if I were to pursue law, I would end up at the CCN clump or maybe even MVP. Anyhow, T14 is probably a no problem & big law is most likely in reach, but various sources confirm that big law, or law in general, is a cesspool of mind-numbing bullshits. Plus, being in debt sucks cock, and that $160K a year doesn't seem to quite outweigh the cons. + it is rare to last more than five years at a given firm... Overall, law = miserable. fuck...
2. PHD => Profess like a boss. Limited slots of jobs = depressing. Being pressured to frequently publish articles and papers = miserable. BA => MA => PHD takes too long. To be fair, though, being tenured @ prestigious university is prestigious x 999. Lifestyle after being tenured = bomb. Being a professor is bomb, but the process to it is discouraging.
3. Rap. My lyricism is stellar, and I respect my "sense" and being alpha in contrast to all the amateur-like amateur beta fucks that sadly will never make it. But betas are overpopulated & dominant anywhere, so being alpha shouldn't serve as a reason for me to rhyme professionally. Con: lack of prestige among the public... & senescence comes by relatively fast; my lack of producing skills will leave me with no adequate source of income when wrinkled... T.T
4. Vet School. Again, the process. It makes good money & is prestigious, but the thought of studying science is repulsive. I like dogs & verbally communicating with patients seem to be no big deal, but am I down to spend 4-6 years studying veterinary? fuck...
conclusion:
fuck all. my future is in the clouds, but i cant imagine myself doing some prole or not-so-great shit in the future either.... my intuition foresees greatness, but who knows... but on the bright side, life is fun & funny in that it doesnt follow a pattern. maybe this is a good thing about not having a concrete dream? wow that was deep lulzy lulzy lulzy x 999
2012. 3. 10.
Use of Negativity
Depression, lack of content, or anger must take place within the deepest levels of anyone's inner heart. This is because secure happiness impedes progress. Take the Amazon Forest tribes for example, where depression is unknown. Residents frolic, mate, and smoke psychedelic plants all day and night. They stay the same and have had no material progress for centuries.
But, complete indulgence in depression is dangerous because one can drown himself in it. Depression may give way for a septic relative like diffidence to kick in, which renders the individual hopeless and therefore powerless.
Lack of content & confidence is a good pair; Depression & activity is another.
Embrace just enough negative vision to suffice as foundation of effort. Then => progress and profit like a fucking boss $$$$$$$$$$$ x 999 awww yeaaaaaaaaaaah
But, complete indulgence in depression is dangerous because one can drown himself in it. Depression may give way for a septic relative like diffidence to kick in, which renders the individual hopeless and therefore powerless.
Lack of content & confidence is a good pair; Depression & activity is another.
Embrace just enough negative vision to suffice as foundation of effort. Then => progress and profit like a fucking boss $$$$$$$$$$$ x 999 awww yeaaaaaaaaaaah
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