Thoughts 7/6/16

#1
Recent research idea: when we engage in procrastination, we choose meaningful activities to substitute for the work undone, which is mediated by the level of guilt. The more people feel guilty about procrastination, the more they choose a meaningful activity as a substitute (writing diary entry vs. reading manga).

#2
It's hard to believe I will leave LA in about a month. I can't really imagine life in Chicago because I have lived here since 5h grade and I don't know how I will react/adopt to a new environment. I am excited but at the same time worry about solitude. I am a bit sad that I am officially finishing college life. I will miss living with roommates and talking about nostalgia of anime and future of rap music.

#3
Overall, I really enjoyed college because it was a breeze. I never worked hard and earned probably the best outcome I could have asked for, which I am sure was rewarded by God. I had a great 2 year relationship with a nice girl and told her about God. My faith grew as a Christian and am more conscientious about living as a follower of Jesus.
But it was not always so easy - during my first two years, I have hit points of rock bottoms of my life, liking a wrong girl and being forced to take breaks from school due to inpredictable greencard processing. Not many people know I was accepted to and was about to go to UBC in Canada. My time in Korea was lonely as well as the time I spent upom returning to school. I am naturally a shadow to loneliness - I often find myself pushing people away and being bad at making new connections. One benefit of solitude is search for self and deep-thinking, which probably contributed to building of a scholarly mind.

#4
Breaking up is really painful and I am not well. I don't really like talking about this to others because nobody really understands or cares, because each case is different and people have their own loads of struggles.
I think I was a good boyfriend overall but it bothers me that I did not give my 100 percent, especially towards the end when the fact that I will move to Chicago subconsciously affected my level of affection and care for her and the relationship. I guess I subconsciously started to make distance. I regret this a lot. I am trying to swallow this by trying to believe "God allowed this to happen."

#5
I am trying to be a more resilient person who is not easily irritated by things that are not very important but yet feel like they are. I am not sure to what extent personality traits like this could change. I guess nobody will know for sure. I wonder - what is the best method of trying to change a trait like this? My current approach is trying to catch moments when I am irritated and telling myself in those moments to try to not be bothered. Not sure if this will be successful.