Stream of Consciousness-esque Drivel

Stream of Consciousness-esque drivel.

Am I supposed to give a fuck about what others think? If I were to follow intuition and assume no, then what the fuck do I want? If I don't give a fuck about others, what is it that I give a fuck about? It often seems as if what society values coincide with what I value. Like, prestige. The confusing part would be whether I genuinely seek prestige or whether this seed of value was planted in me by an external force.

What the fuck is love? Scientists might call it hormone or chemical, artists might call it rose. Why does this thing hurt people? The overdose, the thorns. Why does it warp reality the way it does? Love is like manicure. It ebbs away and gets replaced by a new shade of color, or a new person. Love is also a boomerang in that it goes and comes back. Usually the returned boomerang is attributed to a different person. There is no eternal love, save the one for marriage. & maybe also the one from God and for God.

Mental illness is actually pretty fucking common. Psychopaths are literally fucking everywhere. Psychopaths are more advanced creatures - one could argue - because emotion more often than not gets in the way of rational thinking and hinders the process of judgment. lol @ the irony of evolution. + I may have a minor case of schizophrenia. Sometimes I catch myself talking to myself and am like wtf. but its no big deal. it's kind of cool actually, I think.

People apparently like my music, my rap. I like it too but not sure on the extent. Music making comes really easy when the right feel enters my mind & soul - when the feel is very clear and defined. Like when I receive a diss from a nubcake, I feel like I have to impale that fucker in the ass with some potent ass rhymes. Or when I fall in love or get hurt by it, I feel like I have to get that shit out in some concrete, or abstract, form like music. And then I execute that shit and get it exported and bam. Upload. The high from accomplishment usually lingers for a good day or two. And then it's like, "Oh, that was alright. But it didn't really scratch my back." Music does not really ease the problem and sometimes even deepens the wound. Music kind of sucks and it is not all that great. But it's something I can do and one of the only things I can do right.