Control

i've learned a thing or two about life.
one big source of stress is the state of being out of control.
there no grip, no grasp.
and i feel just like that right now.

i had this fantasy - that everything is going to be alright as
my life enters arguably the most chillest phase of life: sec sem sen.

i was so wrong... so wrong.

i assume it's because i have absolutely no control over anything.

1. college

ugh.. i really want to get into a good private school.
im not sure if i deserve it, but i am pretty sure i belong at one.
i think i can make a better use of the prestigious college degree than
a lot of people, if not most. come on, these kids want to go to
these prestigious schools to become doctors, lawyers, w.e. all to swollen their pockets.

come on... i am ready to be an artist.. that alone throws the risk factor in my face.
i might not be able to make it. i might die as a hungry artist...
i might not be able to find a partner for marriage because not many would understand my job.

and i am willing to take that fucking risk.
God, help me...

2. rap

it's pretty frustrating... it's because i consider myself brilliant in lyricism,
which almost always becomes the cause of my disappointment..
it's difficult..
i can do so much better...
this is probably under my control, but i just feel like i dont have grip on my writing potential

3. shit happens

as always. sigh